Am I being pathetic?

So far I have been in relationship for more than 3years and that make me to scare of losing it. I am scare that he might get bored of me seeing same face every single day, having sex with the same person over and over and going out with me every time. I tried to put myself into his position and give him some space but I just couldn't. I'm too jealous of every girls he is dealing with, not including his classmates. The young girls might take over my place at any time and he himself told me once that he likes girls with nice boobies and ass which it totally not me.
I feel insecure, tired of stalking his all spacious online activities still he can't help himself being flirty. He told me I'm greedy and super possessive. When it comes to love, you need to be proactive in order to protect it. That's the only way I know and I have no idea how to love a person in proper way. I can't leave him alone where there're many cute girls around him plus he being such a teaser, that would create new episode which I would be played as a villain. Damn he is an ass! I doubt that is he really mean when he said those flirty words. He should behave himself as everyone knows me as his gf and they might think that I can't handle the horny bf. That is simply embarrassing! I suppose to be studying for Final exam by now but I can't just sleep. Sigh** I have to go back to study in order to pass with C, may be C+? I will upload more later. Keep in touch with me guys. (nobody read my blog anyway, I sound like real idiot now) haha..okay Bye!

moving on

There's something in my head lately that is about me and my friends from high school. So much nostalgia these days. Today is the birthday of one of my closest friend from high school (not any more). I did something that she would pissed off and she never told me about that. So, I never had a chance to make up with her, I don't know what's got into her mind. I do like her since we were best mates ever in high school. I know it's partially my fault, I don't know how to face her or explain the misunderstanding that she never brought up to me. She kept quiet and I guess that pushed us to become strangers, well almost. Sometimes, we have short conversations when we met on street, restaurants, etc. And that's all! We haven't had real conversation for like more than a year. Frankly, that makes me kinda sad. I tried to get closer to her after all these things happened but she moved to another place and made new friends and hanged out with them. So, no more chances for me. I really wished I could have said sorry to her at least once but she never told me how she felt about it. Anyway, now I have to admit that I'm jealous of her having her good time with her new buddies and me alone with Austin. That must be punishment from Heaven for me being meddle into something that I shouldn't have. I will be leaving this place may be after graduation around March. So, we won't be seeing each others for rest of our life, unless I tried to meet with her. She seems to move on for what happened , i guess I need to move on too by now. I just wanna say thank you for being with me for last last year, I did have a good time with you. Without you, I will not make this far. Good luck with everything you're doing! Bye.

Planning for my future

These day, my mind is packed with all the thoughts of moving out to S'pore where I think it's the better workplace for me. As far as I research about the life in there, it won't be easy happy life but I will go for my self improvement.So, here's the plan! I will find a job that will fit me in a way that I can grow my ability, my skill, my career and of course to stuff my fluffy pocket.Then, I will fly to there and take the interviews. If yes, I will stay. If not keep on hunting. I believe there will be one job out there that will need me and suit with my personality. I tried not to depress about something I haven't try yet. Working in BKK is a not bad idea either but when I look at myself and see for the near future like next 2yrs or 3yrs. I guess I'd be more happy with the pennies I would earn in S'pore more. My income proportion would be like that, 1/4 of it will go to savings, another would be for my home back in YGN, another would be to spend for myself and the rest will be pretty much used for home and utility, transportation, foods ,etc. I wish I could earn more than 2000$/month within my first year of working. Who knows, it all depend on my luck and job itself. So, we'll see ..eh? Another major dream would go to Austin. I had my own plan to call him to S'pore and then he can find a job , we can stay together , saving up for our future. sighh, speaking of marriage, I think we need to take at least 3/4yrs for us to have our own world.
As long as he's with me, I'm fine because I know he's the one I gonna be with till the end of my life. We will have beautiful kids with manly thick eyebrows, flirty long eyelashes, with prominent nose bridge..all combined would be perfect match. Well, I guess I went a bit far with my daydreaming. Until next post, I will stop here and go back to study. Good Night internet! (ugh., I have no life)